For the past few weeks I've had this old hymn called "Not I, but Christ" stuck in my head. I've never heard it in a church building before and it wasn't one of those "classic" songs I grew up on, but rather, has been one of those songs I heard out of random one day and now it's gotten stuck. The words are truly powerful and keep ringing through my head.

Not I, but Christ, be honored, loved, exalted;
Not I, but Christ, be seen be known, be heard;

In every look, in every word,

Not I, but Christ.

Not I, but Christ, to gently soothe in sorrow;
Not I, but Christ, to wipe the falling tear;
To lift the weary burden,

To hush away all fear.

No trace of me,

He's all I see;

Not I, but Christ.

I wanted to know more about this song. I wanted to find out who wrote it and what their story was about. It always intrigues me to hear the story of the authors of hymns because they're typically pretty unique people with stories like none other.

On my search, I found out the song was written by Fannie Bolton, born on June 18, 1883, she was a woman who grew up under a Methodist pastor. She converted to Seventh-day Adventism after going to report on a Seventh-day camp meeting as a newspaper reporter for a Chicago paper. At first glance, Fannie was one phenomenal woman. She was never married (but did have some guys in her life...we'll get to that down in the post) and at first it seems as though she was a very successful author and publisher and a great poem writer. This song, "Not I, but Christ" was written by Fannie and actually sung at her funeral in 1926.

After I started reading about Fannie's life, my head got jumbled a bit. It's reported that she actually did some massive plagiarism of her boss' work (even though her boss ended up publishing the book under her name...it's confusing. You should read about it). I also found out that Fannie was in and out of a psychiatric hospital a few times (staying there for over a year the first time). It makes me think about her faith and what was going on in her life. What would cause this from a lady who essentially committed her entire life for Christ?

Fannie did have a few men in her life - one of which made her "mad" as an acquaintance of hers said once. His name was Blakley (first name unknown) who was a man she had met in California. Fannie went to Australia for a little bit expecting Blakley would write her, renewing his attentions to her, but no letter was received, and she almost blasphemed God because of His providence (according to Ellen White). Ellen wrote to John Harvey Kellogg also about the Blakley matter, saying that Fannie "acted at times as if possessed of an evil spirit, and she set in to make us all miserable... [and] was sometimes impudent and accusing."

In 1911, when Fannie was fifty-two years of age, her emotional health broke, and she was admitted to the Kalamazoo State Hospital. She was released after thirteen months (February 20, 1911, to March 18, 1912). Less than two years before she died, she was admitted again for three months (October 9, 1924, to January 21, 1925). To Fannie's detractors, this was an indication that divine retribution was being meted out in the here and now, and positive proof that she had been unbalanced all along.

Fannie ended up writing three songs in her life. Only one had lyrics - the song that's been stuck in my head. This song with lyrics that shakes me at the core. Fannie definitely had a unique life but I'm thankful she took the time to write down these words and compose them into a song because they have definitely help me become more selfless. You can listen to the song here.